I don't know how to tell you this...

I think no matter how many years pass, I will always hear those words in my head. Those were the words of my doctor, after my mom and I had clearly seen and heard a healthy heartbeat at my ultrasound. I thought I was living a bad dream. There was no way this was happening to me again. I kind of zoned out as she explained to me that they were pretty certain they baby was in my right tube, and not my uterus. About an hour later, it was confirmed. I was admitted into the hospital to be watched over night and I had surgery the next morning. My doctor was shocked and relieved that my tube had not burst yet. She couldn't believe that I had no spotting or pain. I couldn't believe this was really happening. Wasn't one miscarriage enough?? An ectopic? Those don't happen in real life!

So, here I am a week after the surgery. The baby had expanded my tube to the size of a plum. My doctor removed my tube and I now have three incisions on my stomach. She said my tube absolutely had to be removed, but it is best to remove the tube so this won't happen again. My uterus and other tube are completely healthy looking and free of endometriosis or scarring. Basically, there is no reason this happened. Bad luck. I wish I had a reason.

So, here I am...I've suffered two losses in the past five months. I had so much hope with this pregnancy. All I have to do is look at my baby boy and know that there is hope I will have a healthy pregnancy and be able to give Larsen a baby brother or sister in the future. I have no idea what I would do without my son. I can't imagine going through these losses without Larsen. He brightens every day of my life, even on the days that I start to feel down. I have to be strong for him. He is my whole world.